Lonesome Cowboy Burt (Swaggart Version) - Frank Zappa

My name is Swaggart

I am an asshole

All my friends

They call me "Jim"

(Hi Jim )

I'm from Louisiana

I make lots of money

But I f**ked up

And commited a sin

Come out here to Californy

Just to find me

Some pretty girls

(No sh*t )

The ones I seen

Gets me so horny;

Ruby lips

'N teeth like pearls

Wanna love 'em all

In the name of Jesus

Wanna pretty girl –

I'll even pay

I'll buy 'em furs

I'll buy 'em jewelry

I'll never f**k them;

Here's what I say:

I'm lonesome Cowboy Jim

(Speakin' atcha )

I only give 'em the tips of him

(Posin' atcha )

My cowboy pants

My cowboy dance

My bold advance

On this here prostitute

Yodel-oh-oo-pee-hey

Yodel-oh-oo-pee

He's lonesome Cowboy Jim

Look at the tip of him

Come on in this place

'N I'll buy you a taste

You can sit on my face –

Where's my prostitute/waitress

Swaggart Swaggart redneck (thank you )

Swaggart Swaggart redneck (yessir )

I'm an awful nice guy (so you say)

I sweat all day in the sun (oh yeah yeah)

I'm a preacher by trade

Quite a bundle like me

And I'm a feature ol' mumble-mumble

Son-of-a-gun

He's a unionized roofin' old

Son-of-a-gun

Fill in the blank

When I get off I get

When I get off I get

When I I I I

And then Sharkey says:

When I get off (pfft )

I get sinful

(Just the tip Only the tip now come on)

I spoo

Till I goo

On the rug

Then I find me

Some eighteen ninety-five Luiann— Louisiana style prostitute

And make her do pornographic stunts while I watch

And I have

So much fun

Jay-zus Jay-zus

(Pornographic stunts and I have so much fun)

(What )

I huff

And I puff

Hratche-plche

Hratche-plche

And I pump up my sanctified erection

Till my cheeks

Puff up

An' turn red

Along with my neck

(Say varmint )

I drool

On my shirt

Takes a little while before I squirt

But I've been doin' it for twenty years and they haven't caught me yet

UH-OH

Made a mistake this time

Now I've sinned

Everybody

(What an asshole )

Made a mistake and I sinned uh

Made a mistake and I sinned ow

Made a mistake and I sinned what

Made a mistake and I sinned

Lonesome Cowboy Jim

(Sinnin' atcha )

Come smell this fringe-y shirt

(Grinnin' atcha )

My cowboy pants

My cowboy dance

My bold advance

On this here prostitute

Yodel-oh-oo-pee-yeh

Yodel-oh-oo-pee

HE'S LONESOME COWBOY JIM/SCOTT

BOO-HOO-HOO-HOO

Don't you dare to laugh at him/swat

(Oh tune me in now)

Come on in this place

An' I'll buy you a taste

'N you can sit on my face –

Where's my prostitute

OPAL YOU HOT LITTLE B**CH